


Tools, Weapons, Drugs, and Amusements

by daisynorbury



Category: Being Human (UK)
Genre: "Cutler's dead?", Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-28 20:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2746700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisynorbury/pseuds/daisynorbury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom and Hal discuss bloodlust, Hal's recent past, and Cutler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tools, Weapons, Drugs, and Amusements

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place between series 4 and 5; written before I saw 5. Profanity.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Hal, you don’t want the neighbors calling the police any more than we do so _shut. up._ ”  
“AAAAAA!!”  
“Is it gaffer tape time again? Liked it last time, did ya? You know I will.”  
“AAAAAA!!”  
“Right. Alex, will ya toss- ” She’d already laid hold of it and rentaghosted across the room to them.  
“AAAAAA!!”  
“Here- can I this time? You hold his head still and I’ll stick it on.” She pulled off a length and tore it with her teeth.  
“Yeah, safer anyway. If he bites me he’ll burn himself.”  


Tom stood behind the chair and gripped the vampire under his chin with one hand and the top of his head with the other, forcing his mouth closed. He continued to scream inside his closed mouth, but didn’t struggle. Alex pressed the length of gaffer tape over his lips and smoothed it down. Tom released the vice grip, but left his hands where they were, holding his head. Hal continued to scream through the tape, which muffled the sound only a little. Alex bent down and looked into his face. His eyes were wide and wild. “Hal, you listenin'?” She lifted a hand in front of his face and snapped her fingers. “Hello?”  
“MMMMM!!”  
“He’s not tracking. I don’t know he can even see or hear us. What if he, you know, gets a stuffy nose and can’t breathe?”  
“Doesn’t need to breathe; he’s not alive.”  
“He’s got to be uncomfortable though, stuck in that chair for two days.”  
“Yeah, but do you trust him out of it?”  
“No, but it’s not like he’s struggling. Not even trying to move, just screaming. Let’s take him downstairs now while he’s docile. He can carry on there all he wants and not get social services called on us.”  
“MMMMM!!”  
“Did you finish down there already?”  
“Yeah, it’s fine. Not cozy, but safe.”  
“How we gonna get him there? We can’t carry him down the stairs in the chair.”  
“Maybe we just… I dunno, tie his hands behind his back and walk him down? But let’s do _something_ ; I can’t take the noise.”  
Tom looked at Hal appraisingly for a few moments, then nodded. “Right. We each untie a hand, then pull his arms behind him and tie them together. Watch out, he’s strong.”

Alex nodded. Tom unfastened the strap that held Hal's chest to the back of the chair and removed it. Then he untied the vampire’s left wrist as Alex untied his right. Hal didn’t seem to notice what they were doing. He hum-screamed again, but didn’t grip the chair arms, or pull or try to get away, or anything. He let them move his limp arms behind his back and tie them together. He let them pull him up, and walk him across the room. When they reached the kitchen he went quiet, and Tom worried about what that meant, but Hal continued to let himself be led down the back stairs and into the cellar. He let them sit him down in the chair Alex had spent the morning securing, and tie his wrists to the arms. When they were satisfied he was adequately bound, Alex shut the door and Tom slowly pulled the tape off his mouth. The glue left a rectangular pink mark across his cheeks.

* * *

Tom woke early. He pulled on some clothes, jogged down the front stairs and along the hall to the kitchen, switched on the electric kettle, and opened the door to the cellar. He listened. No screaming. He pulled two mugs from the cupboard, poured a splash of milk in each, dropped teabags in both and a plastic drinking straw in one, waited for the water to boil, and thought of Annie for the eight millionth time. He listened again. Still no screaming, but there was something. A sound he couldn’t place. When the teas were ready he padded down the stairs with them, still listening. The sound grew. By the time he reached the bottom step he realized what it was, and stopped. The open door of Hal’s prison room was at the end of the hall. They'd reasoned that if the vampire became determined enough to break free of the chair, the wooden door- even locked- stood zero chance. Might as well save them all the door-replacement expense. So this morning it stood open, and through it Tom could hear the vampire crying.

He looked down at the tea. Then up at the whitewashed brick walls. He blinked. He’d gotten used to the shouting and begging and threats, but he hadn’t been prepared for crying. Not at all. The sound stopped. Silence. Then: “Tom?”

He looked down at the tea again. Hal must have heard him on the stairs. “Yeah.” He didn’t move. What now? Hal probably wanted to be alone with his… His wrists were bound. He couldn’t even wipe his face. Tom stared at the cooling tea, stuck. They stood (sat) in silence, out of sight, acutely aware of one another. Tom reminded himself that the point was to offer Hal a drink and conversation, and help if he needed it, and him crying didn’t change that. He walked down the hall and through the door and directly over to him, holding out the cup. 

“Here, mate, bet you’re thirsty after all that yellin'.” Hal nodded and took the straw between his lips. “Slow- it’s still hot.” 

Hal drank it all at a stretch, apparently unperturbed by the temperature. They looked at opposite walls as he drank. He pushed the straw out of his mouth and cleared his throat. “Thanks.” 

Tom put the empty mug on the side table, transferred the straw into the full one, and held it out. “More?”

Hal shook his head, eyes cast down. “No, I’m all right.”

Tom nodded. He moved the straw back from his cup to the empty one. Hal looked very tired. Tear tracks stained his face. Tom set the tea down, said “Be right back”, and left again. 

Hal heard the pipes shift. Someone in the house was using a tap.

Two minutes later Tom reappeared with a flannel in each hand. He put the dry one on the table, set his chair close to Hal’s, sat down, and lifted the other to clean the vampire’s face. Hal shut his eyes. The flannel was damp and still warm from the hot tap. Tom wiped his cheeks clean, then his chin and eyes and forehead.

“This is humiliating.”

“Yeah. I know and I’m sorry. Would you rather I left you a mess?” He dropped the damp flannel on the table and picked up the dry one.

Hal exhaled heavily. “No.”

Tom brushed the dry flannel over his face gently. “When I cry like that it’s ‘cos I miss my dad. You’ve lived...“ He did a little math in his head. “...Twenty-five times as long as I have.” He switched the flannel for his teacup and sat back again. “I can’t imagine all the people you must miss. Leo and Pearl were your friends for three of my lifetimes.” He sipped his tea. “I’m freer now. Without Eve and Annie to look after. But it's no good, eh? I miss 'em like...” His face contracted. He looked down at his lap for half a minute. “You ever have kids?”

Hal watched the top of his bowed head. The scars on his skull cut long lines through his shorn hair. It was… light brown? Hard to tell at that length. Probably darker, though eyebrows weren’t always a good indicator. Hal suspected Tom was one of those whose beard is a different color from his hair, too. He wondered how he’d look if he let it grow.  
“Not… no. Not any children.”

Tom looked up again and regarded him, frowning. “What does that mean?”

“I didn’t father any children before I was recruited.” Hal slumped in the chair, tugging absently at the restraints around his wrists.

“And after?”

“There is no after. You can’t make living humans when you’re dead.”

“Other vampires, though.”

Hal’s jaw clenched visibly, then relaxed. “Yes.”

“And the people you recruit- they’re sort of like your children, eh? Like Michaela and Regus.” 

Hal said nothing. _Regus and Michaela. Ivan and Daisy. Fergus and Mary. Hal Yorke and Nick Cutler._

“So who did you turn, then? Is that who you’re missing?”

Hal sighed again, shaking his head slowly. He shut his eyes and leaned his head into his right shoulder. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

Tom sipped his tea. He let the silence stretch. 

After a minute Hal opened his eyes and found Tom still in the chair with his teacup. “Did you want something?”

Tom looked up at the ceiling, all nonchalance. “I figure, with your routines, you could probably work out exactly what you were doin’ the day I was born, because your days were all the same then. In Southend.”

“Probably. When was that?”

“1991. So Nina said. Didn’t know exactly ‘til she found my birth records. McNair didn’t know the date- he used the day he found me. Though I suppose that was the day I became a werewolf, so it was kind of a birth.” Tom stopped, looking dejected.

“When Kirby was here- was that the official date or the one McNair gave you?”

“McNair’s. I’m just used to havin’ my birthday in February.”

“Then we’ll have to have another party for you on the real date. Now you get two birthdays every year.”

“Oh yeah. Who’d come? Dad, Nina, George, Annie, Eve… everybody’s gone. Even Mitchell, though we didn’t get on. Did you know Mitchell?”

“No. I knew who he was, but I despised Herrick and Mitchell was one his proteges, so. I didn’t realize it was the same man when Annie first mentioned him. Allison would come.”

“I doubt it. I wasn’t very nice to her.”

“Tell you what, we’ll get Michaela and Regus ‘round and watch the sparks fly when she and Alex meet.”

Tom laughed despite himself. “And Adam and Yvonne and set her loose on Regus.”

Hal laughed, too. “That’s a horrible idea. Let’s do it.”

Tom’s merriment ended abruptly. “I think I need some human friends. Or just… people who aren’t so likely to die a few months after I meet them.”

“I’m doing what I can to stay alive.”

Tom smiled weakly and looked at the floor. “Yeah. Thanks, mate.”

“And Alex- “

“Alex might go any time. She wants to.”

“I think she wants to less than she claims. And until she does… we can make a quiet, normal life for one another. And find quiet, normal, human friends for you who aren’t pawns in apocalyptic prophecies or hell-bent on destroying humanity.”

“You can have friends, too.”

“Staying away from people helps me manage my condition.”

“Yeah, I know Leo said that, but I’m not so sure he was right.”

Something inside Hal snapped. “UNTIE ME NOW YOU FUCKING DOG!” His fury was so sudden and loud that Tom shrank back in surprise, but the ropes held fast and the vampire was no closer than he had been before. Tom laid a hand over his heart and breathed. “Jesus, Hal, don’t do that. Nearly pissed m’self.”

“Untie me this instant you disgusting mongrel or I will rip your ridiculous head off with my bare hands and drop-kick it into Whitmore Bay.”

“No, don’t, you’ll get burned. Wear gloves. And wellies.” 

Hal’s eyes had gone black and he was breathing hard. Tom suspected he hadn’t even heard him. “Hal, listen.” The vampire growled in response. 

“I know you’re in there. Come on, tell me about your vampire children.”

“Cutler was a weak, pathetic, scheming, deluded little cunt. I’m glad he’s dead. That was the only thing Annie ever did right.” 

“You made Cutler?”

“We needed a new solicitor. One we could control. He was convenient.”

“When?”

“I DON’T FUCKING- “ He stopped, panting. Tom waited calmly, letting him catch his breath. Hal shut his eyes and leaned heavily into the chair again. When he spoke again it was barely above a whisper. “Nineteen fifty.”

“So, when he was playin’ me to attack a club full of innocent people…”

“Nothing to do with me. He thought I’d been dead a long time, and certainly had no idea we were acquainted. You were just a convenient werewolf that he thought he could manipulate.”

Tom checked his eyes. They were brown and clear again. “I thought he was one of the good ones. Like you. I trusted him.”

“He was using you.”

“Yeah, too right. Told me I’d rip apart the old ones and make my dad proud. If you hadn’t been there…” Tom cast his gaze to the far wall. He blinked twice and bit his lip. “You better?”

“Am I better?” Hal shook his head slightly. “I’ve lived a long time with how I treated Cutler. I don’t like talking about it. But I suppose if we’re to have any hope of making this work, of keeping me dry... you need to understand what I did. What I can do. Cutler was young, enthusiastic, industrious, ambitious. And lonely, which made it all the easier to… For men like him, at that time, marriage was a social necessity. But the moment I met him I saw I could wrap him around my little finger, among other things. It wasn’t him that I wanted, it was power over him. And that was easy to get because he trusted me; wanted to trust me. I made him love me and then methodically destroyed his world.” Tom’s brows drew in tight and he shook his head slightly. “The one thing that might save us both is that Cutler’s ambition was about success. Fame, money... notoriety, anyway. He wanted to be admired. Remembered.”

“How does that save us?”

“Your ambitions are about doing right. Keeping people safe. Even people to whom you have no responsibility. Even if I got so far under your skin you…” Hal stopped. He couldn’t meet Tom’s eyes and stared at his chest instead.

Tom blinked. “I what?”

“You… I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“So far under my skin I what?”

“Talking about Leo… I can’t talk about Leo.”

“‘Cos it makes you go vampy.”

“Evidently.”

“Maybe you should. Get it out of your system, like. Talk about the hard stuff to learn how to without losin' your cool. Like- what’s it called- exposure therapy? Like someone who's afraid of heights standing on top of tall building. So far under my skin I what?”

Hal hung his head. “Even if I got so far under your skin that you couldn’t bear the idea of killing me, you’d still be essentially incorruptible.”

“‘Cos you can’t bite me.”

Hal looked up again. He stared at Tom for a long moment. “Including that, yes.”

“Maybe you can learn to cope with vampy stimuli instead of just avoiding it. Like… control your reactions. We could talk about Leo and let it happen and you can figure out how to rein it in. You’re tied up so it doesn’t matter if you get stroppy- you can’t hurt anyone.” 

Hal tilted his head, eyes widening. “You are a surprising person, Tom McNair.”

“I don’t understand how he and Pearl lived together for so long and never… Did you know? That they wanted each other?”

“No. I suspected, but I didn’t know.”

“And you didn’t say anything?”

“I also suspected that Pearl’s unfinished business was to tell Leo how she felt, and once she did… poof. Through the door. And I’d’ve been left with the saddest, loneliest werewolf in England. The silence we three shared is what kept us stable his whole life. His… contentment with his situation is what allowed him the time and energy to take such good care of me. They weren’t a couple in the traditional sense, but they lived together happily for fifty years. Mostly happily.”

"But wouldn't she have stayed? You know, ignored the door?"

"Maybe, but certainly not if Leo didn't share her feelings, and I couldn't be sure he did. I didn't ask. Didn't want to know. Didn't want to risk it. Selfish, obviously. Surprise, surprise."

“But you never want people, ‘cos you might kill them.”

“Of course I want people, I just don’t chat them up.”

“Right, yeah. No ‘playin’ in that arena’. Bad for your condition.”

“Quite.”

“Because regular old lust equals bloodlust.”

“Yes. No. Sometimes, in a way. Often. They’re separate things, but there is a certain amount of bleed-through, if you’ll pardon the-" He stopped, and coughed. “But it’s not just lust. Anger is equally as likely to make me want to drain someone. Or fear.”

“Does it work the other way ‘round?”

“Meaning?”

“Like… if you went for someone’s neck just because you wanted the blood, could drinkin’ them make you angry or afraid?”

“Angry, certainly, and well beyond. Words like rage and fury don’t cover it. Not afraid, though. Blood relieves fear. At a very basic level, bloodlust _is_ fear.”

“Of what?”

"Not sure. Pain I suppose, if anything, but really it’s irrational, like… a fear of spiders. The thinking part of your brain knows they can’t harm you, but that’s irrelevant to the part that fears them. But no, sometimes lust isn’t involved at all. In either direction.”

“Like with Cutler.”

Hal sat perfectly motionless for four seconds. He swallowed, then said, “Yes, like with Cutler” in the same careful, measured tone he’d once said ‘Yes, I was counting the rubbish’. 

Tom chewed his lip. “Okay. Now. You gotta be honest. Is it safe to untie you?”

“You saw what happened three minutes ago.”

“I know, but I’m asking you.”

Hal slumped forward as far as the strap around his middle would allow. “Not if you’re going to make me talk about Leo it isn’t. God I’m sore. You know how much exercise I get in a normal day. My body’s screaming to move.”

“Yeah, I know. Soon.” 

Tom stood, stepped around behind Hal's chair, laid his hands on his shoulders, and pressed his thumbs firmly into the knots at the top of his spine. Hal tensed at first, with “What are you-”, but Tom pressed slow circles into the back of his neck by way of explanation and Hal felt himself relax. 

“Oh. You needn’t-"  
“Hush.”

He did. He quietly let Tom press warmth into his neck and shoulders, his back as far as his shoulder blades, even his scalp. It reminded him how exhausted he was and how very much he wanted to lie down in a bed and sleep for weeks. And since they were on the subject anyway, it also reminded him of Nick. “No, not like with Cutler. ‘Often’ included him.”

Tom’s hands stopped moving. “Oh.” 

Hal couldn’t see him, but knew that understanding was working its way across the werewolf’s face. Tom resumed pressing his fingers into Hal’s shoulders, but with less force. Hal heard him open and close his mouth three separate times before deciding to speak. “You were his lover.”

“That’s far too kind a word for what I was to him. He thought I was, but 'rapist' is more accurate." 

Tom snatched his hands away. Hal felt him step back quickly. He turned and looked half over his shoulder. “You liked Cutler? Trusted him? He played you like a fiddle and he learned it from me. I can be deeply cruel. And I prey on those least deserving. Don’t forget what I am. Don’t trust me.”

Tom returned to the chair by the table and sat down, folding his arms before his chest. “Not the same. You can’t bite me.”

“I have far worse than that in my arsenal. There are people in my past… To Cutler I was an angel of lovingkindness, by comparison.”

“I’m not afraid of you, Hal. I know what you’re like.”

“You haven't the slightest idea what I’m like. You’ve only ever seen me dry.”

“No- the night I came back from dinner with Cutler you were blood-drunk. And a bastard.” 

“That was nothing. One drink. Multiply that by a decade or three. You haven’t seen the charming, affectionate, entirely fake paternal warmth- or, hell, brotherly or romantic or seductive or even just friendly, whatever suits my purpose- that I can turn on- and more to the point _off_ \- like a lightswitch.”

“So you’re saying it was basically just blackmail, then. You needed a lawyer and he was one, and gay and it was the fifties.”

“Yes.”

“You coulda made him work for you without beddin' 'im. You made that choice.”

“He’d wanted men his entire life but never got anywhere close until I came along. Nothing less than _fucking_ him was adequately manipulative.”

Tom snorted. “Yeah, you wouldna looked at him twice if you’d been dry.”

“If I’d been dry I’d’ve respected… You're not getting it. I ordered him to murder his own wife. And when he wouldn’t, I did. And then fed him her blood. When I’m on blood… attraction isn’t just irrelevant, it doesn’t really exist, not in the way you think of it. I made him a vampire but he wasn’t my child, nor my lover. Nor friend. I don’t have _relationships_ , on the blood; I have tools, weapons, drugs, and amusements. I had as much regard for Cutler as I would a... comb, or… soup.”

Tom looked him in the eye for a long moment, then picked up their empty cups, stood, and walked to the door. He didn’t look back, but as he passed into the hall he asked, “Then why are you so upset that he’s dead?”

Hal raised his voice a bit. “You can’t imagine how remorse feels, not on this scale. You’ve been kind to everyone you’ve ever known.”

Tom’s head popped back ‘round the door. “I’ve killed a lot of vampires.”

“You didn’t torture them first.”

“Look, Hal, all this frettin’… Don’t you understand? You’re still clean and I know you are.”

“Hardly.”

“You are. ‘Cos If you’ve been trying to make _me_ love you then you’ve made a dog’s breakfast of it. And lunch, supper, coffee, and biscuits.” He disappeared again. “Wanker.”


End file.
